In this post, let's enter the realm of body positivity. No judgment, just frankness and acceptance. I hope to help you accept your body for what it is, while working to make your body the best it can be.
To start with, did you know that the same weight can look drastically different on two people? Weight is distributed differently among different bodies, so don't compare yourself with others. A few years ago, I saw an article by a weight loss coach. He photographed five women, all who weighed the same. They looked entirely different and wore different clothing sizes. There is no authority on what you should look like, except for a healthy body and a happy mind. Every other thing is a distraction. Here are a few that get in the way of frankness and acceptance:
- Forget BMI? Use BMI with caution. It should not be your anchor but can give you an indication of how far away you are from a healthy weight. BMI neither considers body distribution, nor does it take into account a larger cup size, hip size, or butt size - all of which have their own weight, but by and large have no negative effect on your health and vitality. I know people who have "desirable" weights, but need to pay attention to their midsections for health reasons - information not contained in their BMI. Their "desirable" weight doesn't shield them from health risks. Instead of relying heavily on BMI, look at how much you weigh, and where that weight is concentrated.
- Ditch the clothing size anxiety. I know this might sound corny but while clothing size is just a number, your beauty is multidimensional. Easy to say, right? I still get paranoid when I'm going to my tailor for measurements. We all do. But aside from an "honesty" dress or pair of pants, don't be bogged down by your size in the store. Some stores underestimate, and others overestimate. How healthy you are is not necessarily determined by the number a clothing company gives you.
- What if I don't like my arms, for instance? If you don't like a body part, work on it (unless it's genetic and there's not much you can do about it). Growing up, I got teased because of my boobs. I would be walking to class and boys would chant "cowbell, our milk," and so on. Not to talk of the fact that my name was the perfect rhyme for breast milk (nono) in Hausa. Long story short, I don't have the best relationship with my chest. I remember my first proper bra measurement - I was a UK 12, and my cup size was a whopping J cup. Yes, I was a 32 J at age 17. I honestly wanted to cry my way out of the store - I probably did. But there is nothing I can do that will ever change the fact that my cup size is larger than 'usual'. Fine, it did reduce by a few sizes, although it's still not my "desired size" - I became a pro on just how well to compress them, believe me! But what I will not do is complain day and night. If you don't like a part of your body, do your best, but don't get bogged down by it. At the end of the day, you're probably the one who notices it the most. Just let it be.
- Body Goals simply does not exist. The world started appreciating large posteriors when J-Lo emerged. Before then, many of my sisters went without positive acknowledgment. Weird fact: big butts were seen as a medical condition in the 1800s.* What's Hollywood et al. looking for now? A big butt! Your body might not be what the world wants today, but don't test Hollywood. The morale of this story is - every body is Body Goals. There is no body that's better than yours. And I actually mean what I am saying. I wish you knew just how much I mean this statement. Just trust me. You have not seen a body better than yours.
- Mothers First. The last shall be first. We have all probably contributed adversely to the way women feel after they have had a baby. If you are a mom, though I haven't been there, I can imagine it's tough, but please try to enjoy your body in peace. I recently ranted about this here, but I'll give a brief summary. The idea of "snapback" to pre-baby body not only trivializes women's experiences, it also shames the women who never get their pre-baby bodies back - and not getting pre-baby body back is perfectly OK. By all means, getting fit again is important. What is not important is pressure about pre-baby body.
Accepting your body is not some lofty abstraction. It is at the heart of getting to the best version of yourself and accepting that version.
till next time,
anu
* I saw this in an online article that I'm struggling to remember. I love to #citewomen, so I'll keep looking for this and update accordingly!
